Honestly it’s hard to know where to start. I’ve known my Doula Deb for seven years. So many cheers, victories, sad moments and more have been shared through that seven years. I am so glad that we met, worked together in one occasion and developed a friendship that will last ages. Here’s to you Deb!

You were the first person I sought out after becoming just a number during my first pregnancy. I was lied to, manipulated and hurt after an ob appointment, I needed comfort, reassurance and strength. You were the person who offered me comfort, education and most importantly an ear to listen. I remember the absolute feeling of relief I experienced walking out of your office. I remember the way I just looked at my husband and said I don’t care how much she costs I need her and we’ll make it work. You were more than willing to work with us regarding payments and were willing to meet us halfway so that a woman wouldn’t go unsupported in birth. Your passion for women and birth is easily seen and felt by anyone you meet and speak with. I am so grateful that you have dedicated your life to this calling.

You offered me a mother bear feeling I so deeply needed, you offered me the feeling that I had a voice and it was worthy of being heard. This was the first time I had ever felt this way in a doctor setting. Unfortunately my first birth didn’t go exactly as planned. Things started when an OB took advantage of a situation and gave me an un-consented cervical sweep. I fought labour hard and strong from that point on. I felt so out of control, so devalued, and so incredibly violated. It wasn’t what I wanted and I struggled hard during labor to cope. I’m so glad you were there, you were supportive and you were educated and I needed that.

I remember you running me a warm bath with candle lights, offering my husband tips on where to rub, making sure he and I were drinking enough water, walking the hallways with me, squatting with me and just holding me when needed. Those were the hardest moments of my life and I’m thankful you were there so tirelessly. Three days we spent in labor at the hospital, all the while nurse after nurse changing shifts, coming in and out offering for things I already refused. Deb, you remained constant. I can not thank you enough for your time alone, let alone the time you’ve spent educating yourself before this birth ever occurred.

There isn’t a doubt in my mind that while I did receive pitocin and an epidural you are the reason I didn’t receive a c section. You knew that given that my son’s head was behind my pelvis, laying down on my back was the worst option, and you used Rebozo to move him past. I delivered a beautiful baby boy though clenched teeth, standing on top of the hospital bed gripping a sheet for everything I had while an unknown OB caught my son. Again you were constant, you were committed to the long run that labor can sometimes be. You knew what your presence meant to me and you stuck with me despite being very tired yourself. I remember feeling so much defeat after that birth bc all I wanted was a natural medication free labor. You talked with me, shared with me, and comforted me that I had done my best.

I believe what really helped me heal from that birth was breastfeeding. I can’t thank you enough for being available at all hours for me to text, cry and worry to about my little one nursing. Those first two weeks felt impossible, I cried, baby cried, and Louis cried. It was hard but you again offered incredible support the entire time. Nursing him to two years was such a healing practice for me after his birth and I thank you so much for everything you did in those moments that helped facilitate a healthy breast-feeding relationship. You did so much for me during my first pregnancy and labour, offering non hospital based labour education, making sure I felt comfortable with my choices and more. Finding out later what you were going through during that exact time only made me so much more grateful for everything you had done. You are a birth warrior sent to help protect and fight for laboring mothers, you do so gracefully and with such a fine tuned perspective. You have such a meaningful and purpose filled calling and I hope that it always feels that way despite the stress, drama and worry that sometimes surrounds a birth workers job.

When it came around to my second birth I had reflected, and grown so much from the first one. I had a new sense of self, I was going to set boundaries, I was going to say no and I wasnt going to doubt myself! There you were right along side me, reminding me my voice was not only worthy of being heard but being listened to. I refused every test I wanted to with courage and confidence. I knew the risks of each procedure and I knew whether something offered was evidence based or not.

 

What I remember from my second birth was so much more triumph than heartache. I remember calling you so you could listen to the contractions and being unsure if you were accurate in your thought that we should head to the hospital. I was in such denial that my body could birth in less than three days, but we listened and we headed in, you met me with gloves at the door just in case we didn’t make it upstairs before baby arrived. You supported me every contraction while we made our way up to the birthing center. When I walked upstairs I was meet with already having the hospital’s best room reserved for me on your behalf. Laid out with all the birthing equipment I could ever ask for, again all of it there because you research, you stay informed, and you provide evidence based tools to women in labor. I’ll never forget the hospital nurse coming in and saying that she wasn’t one to birth on the floor and thinking “good thing you aren’t in labor”. You made sure I knew I could labour, push, and move where ever I wanted. When the Dr hadn’t arrived yet, the nurse kept telling me to give air to my baby and breathe. I knew I needn’t worry about the nurses fear the Dr wouldn’t arrive on time. I had you whispering in my ear to listen to my body, to do whatever my body was telling me to and that if I needed to push I could. You reminded me my body was strong and that I could do this, that I was doing this. You offered for me to sit in your lap and relax my bottom so baby could come down. We switched into that position and I felt so comforted and safe being embraced by you. Nursing was easier for me this time as I had already gained the title of la leche league leader and felt confidant. Although you were my go to for a great nursing bra!

 

My last birth (that is the plan this time! Ha ha) is one where I needed your presence. I now knew my body could birth on its own, but I was choosing a new environment, my home. You had been there for me every time before during the most vulnerable times of my life and I knew I wanted you this time too. I knew you’d have the smells, the ambiance, the tenderness and the warm love that I would need for home birth as well. I knew I could be mad at you for helpful positioning and you wouldn’t be offended. I knew I could ask you for your body and you’d be willing to give it.

The kindness you offered when you said you were removing your rings so they wouldn’t hurt my hands despite the indents that were in yours was so thoughtful. I know in that moment you didn’t want me to do any less than what I needed to get that baby out. I am terribly sorry for the twisting of your fingers, I know Louis mentioned that it wasn’t a great feeling! Thank you for knowing just what was needed and providing that to me. Never once did I need to tell you I needed counter pressure, or a cool rag, but you knew.

 

You offer so much of your physical body as well as your emotional body to every woman you labour with. I am forever indebted to the life you have chosen to live. I am honored to have been able to chose you in my births and can’t thank you enough for everything you have given and continue to give of yourself to make yourself available to women. You have seen me through every one of my children’s birth and cheered me on, held me and comforted me in every way you knew how. I will never forget the way you made me feel during those labors and I will forever love you for the love you provided me with before, during, afterward and everywhere in between. The passion you carry for this job extends so much further than yourself. You fight for birth, for birth education and for women’s rights in the labor room. A true protector, filled with honor, selflessness, and compassion. I hope you are always filled with happiness knowing the true value that you are as a person as well as a Doula.

With Love and Gratitude,